The writing life

Tammy's been after me for years about how great Annie Dillard is. I tried to read one of her books once and it made me feel rather stupid. Granted, I had just quit smoking and my thinking wasn't all it should have been. However, with the discovery of this book, I realize that Tammy was right about Dillard; She is a profound writer with amazing insight.

Of course I say that. I say it because Dillard seems to understand the fundemental problem with writing-- the inability to make oneself do it. The desire to do anything but write but to know that eventually, you'll come back to it just like a tongue to a rotten tooth-- probing, tinkering, pushing and pulling and finally, no matter how painful, full in, trying to get out what of the painful offender you can extract.

It's true that I don't want to write yet the more I say, "I do not want this" the more I do it, the more I think about it, the more I have to do it. Anne Lamott wrote once that she didn't have to write, she could just go shoot herself. I don't know that I have ever felt that compelled to write but certainly, I find when I am writing and thinking about writing and planning on writing and gathering ideas for writing, I am quite content. It's once I sit down and actually write something, then I am filled with dread. What, I wonder, has come through me and where did it come from? Was it any good and do I dare share it with anyone?

Dillard says there are two questions to be asked when writing a novel-- "Can this be done?" and "Can I do it?" Pretty good questions, I think. The only way to answer, I think, is to try.